Ok, I'm back. I'm also not proofreading or caring about grammar.

Honestly, I'm not sure why I'm continuing with my blog.  I'm pretty sure the only people who might read it are Becky and Tony, but I think it might be therapeutic in my current endeavor to keep a semi-public record.  This is an extremely embarrassing topic, but I'm taking the plunge and posting about it.  You see: I'm trying to become a runner. 

Yes, I realize there are very few things as funny as a fat runner.  Not to demean myself here, but I'm a pretty darn fat runner.  Yes, I have self-esteem; yes, I know I'm a worthy individual.  But the clear fact of the matter is I'm about 80 lbs. overweight.  I feel there is no sense in hiding from this rather obvious fact. 

I've been slowly easing into running for about 2 months.  It has been my dirty little secret; the one I would die if anyone found out about (side note: I know this means I have a boring life).  With the exception of Heather, on whom I depend for advice and sarcasm, I haven't told anyone outside of my husband.  Honestly, I only told him because I felt I had to.  I'm deeply ashamed of the vision of myself running.  Don't get me started on the idea of spandex (not happening for at least 30 lbs.!).  

I've always had the completely unattainable dream of becoming a runner.  I ran on the cross country team in middle school, but gave up when a few 8th grade boys teased me.  I've always felt ashamed of giving up so easily--I was pretty good!  I mean, not championship good, but I managed to consistently stay in the top half of race competitors.  I've never wanted to be a speed demon, but I used to love the way running made me feel.  When the teasing started (although in retrospect, it was pretty minor teasing), I gave up and refused to continue running in high school.  My high school years were not the kindest years to me.  Now I teach high school...Freud would have something to say about this...

Anyway, back to my current state of chubby running.  I started out by walking a lot over the spring and summer.  In August, I randomly viewed a colleague's blog and came across a reference to Hal Hidgon's 30/30 plan (hehe, hypertext!).  It didn't sound too hard, so I thought I would give it a try.  As a result of my super embarrassment, I decided not to tell anyone.  Honestly, I figured I would quit within a few weeks.  That's what I tend to do with my health.  

To my intense surprise, I loved the feeling I got from this workout.  It took me longer than 1 month (ok, perhaps 3 months), but I finally reached the place where I had mastered very basic jogging.  My schedule was routinely interrupted by my own mortification at being seen running.  I did everything I could think of to give off the appearance of a casual walker: I exercised during "slow use" times at the woods, I stopped running the moment I heard someone coming, I slowed down around corners to make sure the coast was clear, etc. My get-up was also hysterical.  I was always over-covered with extra large sweatshirts, huge sunglasses, and a ski cap pulled low on my face.  Seriously, I'm lucky no one mistook me for a bank robber.  I kept up my disguise so well that I was passed several times by beautifully running colleagues who didn't recognize me.  Rather than be ashamed of my cowardice, I felt pitifully proud of myself. 

Why come public now, you may ask?  Why bring my humiliation out of the closet and into the critical light of day?  Well, I joined a gym because it's too f****** cold to go outside.  

People see me running.  I feel super embarrassed.  Publicly embarrassed.  "I belong on the Biggest Loser" type of embarrassed.  So far, I've been lucky enough to avoid seeing people I know.  But it's only a matter of time before I run into colleagues (*gasp*), students (*gasp gasp*), and/or parents of my students (*swoon*).  I'm bracing myself for this inevitable humiliation.  

The good news?  I'm getting pretty good at moderately running.  In September, running 30 seconds made me think my heart would explode.  Now, I jog for five minutes, walk for one, then jog again.  Jogging for five straight minutes would have seemed impossible a few months ago.  I feel pretty proud of myself.  I'm not fast (embrace the 16 minute mile!), but I'm consistent. Therein lies a great victory for me. 

In addition to my mental jump off the running cliff, I'm trying to cut WAY back on caffeine and soda.  I connect them because the only caffeine I drink comes from Diet Coke.  And I don't drink one or two small sodas a day.  Until 3 weeks ago, Diet Coke was actually the only thing I drank.  I usually manage to quit soda over the summer, but fall right back into it (and junk food) during the school year.  I just need to break the cycle (*slapping myself*).  Let's face it: that much Diet Coke would probably kill most lab rats.  I've gone 6 straight days without caffeine.  I'm going to let myself have 1-2 glasses of soda tomorrow because I'm going to my Grammie's for dinner (and I'm a snob about Glenburn water).  But I think if I can avoid having more than 1-2 sodas per week, I will be a much healthier person.  All I've been drinking is water, and I don't hate it as much as I expected.

Summary: I'm a chubby, water-loving, new-time jogger.  We'll see how it develops.  My goal is to jog my first 5K this spring.  My willpower has been going strong for several months--now it's time to let my mortification take a back seat and give my "can do" attitude a chance to drive.  

Recommended reading for fellow new, like-minded runners: The Non-Runner's Marathon Guide for Women and The Courage to Start. The first is sarcastic and intensely humorous; the second is inspirational for people who jog more like fat penguins that lithe gazelles.  I recommend starting with inspirational and leaving sarcastic for when your sore muscles need a good laugh. 

End of the quarter

I always find the end of the quarter bittersweet.  It's an accomplishment (I survived!), a mountain of last-minute work, and a panic of what I have left to cover this year.  

With each class, I make a couple of goals to work on during the next quarter.  One of my classes is going to work on minimizing talking and writing without being told at the beginning of class.  Two of my classes are going to work on their "professional personas": the way they should act and interact in an academic and professional environment.  Another class is going to work on coming out of their shells and participating in small group work.  I find these goals satisfying to make, but they're also a bit overwhelming in terms of solutions. 

And my goals?  Improve my patience, stick to my fitness plan (so far, so good!), let minor annoyances slide and improve my time management.  I think the toughest one for me is to let minor annoyances slide.  It's easy to be sidetracked and direct emotion toward things that don't really matter.  Interactions with peers, unfair remarks by classmates, nagging from students, miscommunications, someone not reloading paper in the printer (after printing 100 copies of something!!)--I can waste a lot of time fuming over these petty complaints.  In reality?  None of these matter, and most are the result of general stress on my part.  Rationally, I realize that getting rid of negative emotions about small complaints will also improve my time management (and patience--  Two for the price of one!).  I look forward to tackling this goal. :)

What about blog readers?  Anyone have some goals for this next part of the school year?

Great Juliana one-liner

Juliana has become obsessed with The Very Hungry Caterpillar. We have an adorable video of her turning the pages and "reading" the book, while acting it out with her VHC stuffed animal.  

The next day, Juliana told me we had to rub her stuffed caterpillar's tummy.  When I asked why, she loftily informed me: "Mommy, he had a stomach ache yesterday."

So cute.

Gratitude list (ever evolving)

I'm grateful for:

my adorable daughter
crisp fall afternoons
my always happy dog
Juliana's goldfish (finally) not dying
my loving hubby
working with my closest friends
my mom
my daughter's adorable 1st school pictures 
my husband doing the dishes
my students who never fail to be humorous and engaging
diet coke
hal higdon plans
a warm house filled with things I love (ok, I do need to do some cleaning out...)
digital pictures and Wal-Mart instant photo developers
my flash drive
silent sustained reading--and being able to do more reading myself
my Kindle and my old paperbacks 
herb popcorn from the NLC
colorful leaves dotting the lawn
my friend Maggie
a desk buddy that always make me laugh
babies, and the idea of having another one within a couple of years
Hilltop School 
an English department of laughs, professionalism and support
creative writing
Friday night date nights
online classes :)
my daughter loving to read
facebook
my new slippers

Weekend Checklists

The best part of long weekends aren't catching up on rest (though it's great) or even spending time with my family (also great).  The best part of long weekends?  Actually getting through my to-do list!  I feel 3 day weekends are much more conducive to productivity than the mere 2 days.  Who's with me? :)

Time management

I have Moodle accounts set up for each of my classes.  I put a lot of work into them over the summer, but I've recently noticed I'm only really using it with two classes.  The two classes I use it with I find it easier because all the kiddos have computer access at home, and I can use discussion forums, podcasts, etc.  But my other kiddos, who don't have a lot of internet access?  I'm shortchanging them.  They benefit from technology usage a lot more than my other classes.

I'm not sure what the problem is.  Over the summer, I thought it would be a breeze to create an online activity 1-2 times per week and take them into the computer lab.  Now, however, it seems I barely have time to cover the basics; I'm missing something vital in my instruction. 

Time management hasn't been a huge issue for me in the past few years.  I typically consider myself an organized, hard-working, relatively put-together person who can get a lot done in little time.   This year has knocked my socks off.  I seem to be struggling in all areas of time management and never seem to get enough done.  I'm in my 7th year of teaching, but I'm struggling as much as I did in my 2nd.  Is anyone else going through something like this?


To be clear: I do not intend this as a whine.  I mostly want to reflect on why I'm having so much trouble so I can fix it. :)  Honestly, I think I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself and the pressure is messing with my brain.  I know I need to pull it together for my students; every one of my classes has a great group of students.  

When I first started teaching, I used to time block before I went to bed.  I made lists of what I needed to get done during the day and specifically wrote down an hour-to-hour schedule.  Once I was into my third year, I decided I had a pretty good handle on things and rejected the practice.  


Regardless of what's going on my my crazy brain, I think I need to set up a similar system.  I find myself working on something, then becoming distracted and beginning to work on something else, then become distracted and work on something else.  While all this jumping from one thing to the next is probably a great "keeping my brain sharp" activity, I always feel harried and I  lack completion of tasks.  Back to time blocking! : )


Anyone out there have other suggestions for time management?

What to write?

I haven't blogged at all this week.  I have no idea what to write about.

That's not to say I don't have plenty going on in my life.  Truthfully, I'm so overwhelmed that I had a nightmare about my to-do list becoming human and eating me (true story).  And yet, none of it seems to be "blog" material.

There are a number of school issues I could go on about...but at the end of the day, I mostly want to escape them.  I could entertain with stories about my adorable daughter...but the stories aren't that interesting unless she's your daughter.  I guess I'm in a rut.  Maybe it's time to embrace creative writing...